By The Anti-Blez on Saturday, April 28, 2007

Hip-Hippie Hooray!

Offense comes alive in support of Hairy Haren. Buck, Ellis and (cough, cough) Senor Choke all homer. A's snap three-game slide. Too bad it was only against the Devil Rays.

By The Anti-Blez on Thursday, April 26, 2007

Mystery Stain

On Kiko's Sock

OAKLAND (PN) -- An unusual yellow stain was seen forming on Kiko Calero's sock moments after the reliever gave up a go-ahead two-run homer in Oakland's 4-2 loss against Seattle on Thursday.

When questioned about the stain, AAA's General Manager Billy Beane denied that it was the result of urine running down Calero's leg.

"It was mustard," Beane told Pathetics Nation. "The same kind of mustard Kiko used to put on his fastball when he still knew how to pitch."

Confronted with the same question, Calero pointed to a mop and bucket in the corner of his locker and mumbled, "Piso mojado." This made everyone in the clubhouse who didn't speak Spanish laugh.

Beane issued a terse "no comment" when asked about the brown stain on the seat of Calero's pants.

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Big Fat Nuthin'

Joe Blanton pitches a complete game. But so does Jarrod Washburn. Guess who won. (Ah, that was too easy.)

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Dallas Who?

Braden is masterful in major-league debut. Orioles go O for Oakland.

By The Anti-Blez on Monday, April 23, 2007

Locks Of Luck

Oakland hippies have a good hair day: Swisher goes yard twice, Haren collects a well-earned win. A's back in first all by themselves.

By The Anti-Blez on Sunday, April 22, 2007

Duke's A Hazard

Duchscherer squanders lead, loses game. AAA's fall to .500. Beaned Again!

By The Anti-Blez on Saturday, April 21, 2007

Loe Blow

Kameron Loe and Texas bullpen shut down AAA's offense. Win streak comes to a screeching halt.

By The Anti-Blez on Friday, April 20, 2007

A's Hang Wash

Out To Dry

Oakland bats come alive against former coach's new team. Texas gets barbecued.

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Mr. Clutch?

Senor Choke comes up with a couple of big RBI singles. Could it be that he's really worth the $66 million after all? Nah, we don't think so either. A's sweep Anals.

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Bobby Bash

Crosby goes deep. Piazza pumps him up. Oakland wins second straight. We feel faint.

By The Anti-Blez on Sunday, April 15, 2007

Bombers Away

Scutaro sends the Yankees packing with ninth-inning walkoff home run against Mariano Rivera. A's win a series for the first time this year. And Pathetics Nation deserves all the credit.

By The Anti-Blez on Saturday, April 14, 2007

Juicy Giambi

Steroids cheat drives one into the seats. AAA's win streak snapped at one.

By The Anti-Blez on Friday, April 13, 2007

Buck Yeah!

Rookie outfielder's 11th inning triple sparks A's win. Johnny Damon makes lame excuses.

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Separated At Birth?

Oakland manages to score just 10 runs in the past six games, and Bob Geren handles it with the same aplomb as his predecessor -- by sitting on his hands. AAA's lose again.

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Ellis is Oakland's

Slump Buster

Second baseman gets game-winning hit moments after Swisher pops a boner. A's fans like to watch.

By The Anti-Blez on Monday, April 09, 2007

Welcome Home

Sox score more runs in one night than AAA's have scored in their last three games. Home opener is ho-hum.

By The Anti-Blez on Sunday, April 08, 2007

Crying All The Way

To The Bank

As the old saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words. But go ahead, read about it anyway. It's so much fun! Oh, and by the way, somehow Zito's fat cousin (aka Joe Blanton) managed to win his game today. And Pathetics Nation deserves all the credit.

By The Anti-Blez on Saturday, April 07, 2007

66 Million

Ways To Lose

Senor Choke earns his salary by killing two rallies, striking out once and leaving a pair of runners on base. ¡Ay, caramba!

By The Anti-Blez on Friday, April 06, 2007

The Kennedy Curse

A's lineup fails Joe. Oakland hurler falls to 0-9 lifetime against the Angels. Team back below .500.

By The Anti-Blez on Thursday, April 05, 2007

A's Spank

Rally Monkey

Gaudin can't hold the lead, but relievers keep it tied before Piazza takes Gay-Rod deep. Oakland hands Anals first loss.

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Can't Lose 'Em All

Oakland bats come alive. Harden dominates. A's finally post a win. And Pathetics Nation deserves all the credit.

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, April 03, 2007

A's Win?

Fat Chance!

Blanton gives up 4 runs. Calero gives up another 3. Chavez goes hitless. Do you detect a pattern?

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, April 03, 2007

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Different team, same result. Barry Zito still sucks.

By The Anti-Blez on Monday, April 02, 2007

PathetiKKKKKKKKKKKK

AAA's whiff a dozen times in Seattle shutout. Kendall borrows Chavez's golden sombrero. Crosby changes first name to "Bobble." Haren gets reamed by Dick's big stick. Oakland back in last place.

By The Anti-Blez on Monday, April 02, 2007

A Decade of Futility

As the 2007 season begins, we mark a tragic anniversary. It was 10 years ago that the Oakland A's said goodbye to First Lieutenant Sandy Alderson (USMC, ret.) and his "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy of steroids in the clubhouse, and welcomed William Lamar Beane as their new general manager.

During Beane's 10-year reign, the A's have:

a) Never made it to the World Series.

b) Never won an ALCS.

c) Never lived up to their potential.

Beane has, however, made a few noteworthy moves that forever changed the team's fortunes:

a) He refused to toss Tejada a single peso, but showered Chavez with 66 million golden dineros.

b) He let Jason go, but held on to Jeremy.

c) He signed Arthur Rhodes. And Eric Karros. And Jason Kendall. And Esteban Loaiza. And that fat catcher who never progressed beyond Triple A.

d) He fired Ken Macha, then hired him back a week later.

e) He gave us the term "Moneyballs."

f) He proved that Joe Morgan was right.

What will the next 10 years bring? Another decade of futility, of course. But take heart, Oakland fans -- In a couple of years, the A's will be Fremont's problem, not ours!

So, pull those "In Billy We Trust" T-shirts out of mothballs and wear 'em with blind pride, Asslickers. Your hero is about to break your hearts again.

Oh yeah ... Let's go AAA's!

By The Anti-Blez on Sunday, April 01, 2007

Blez Buys PN

Pathetics Nation has accepted a $500 offer from the owner of Athletics Nation to shut down our blog.

By the start of Monday's home opener, PN will cease to exist, and www.patheticsnation.com will redirect to www.athleticsnation.com.

Blez has also agreed to lift the ban on Tokyoak and allow him to start posting at AN again. However, Tokyoak will be kept on a very short leash, and all of his posts will be pre-screened by AN moderators before being posted on the site.

We had a good time kidding around the past two seasons, but now it's time to play nice and root for the A's together, as one big happy family.

Let's Go AAA's A's!