By The Anti-Blez on Friday, June 30, 2006

San Diego

Steroid Dawg

Independent baseball team signs the Godfather of Drug Cheats to one-year deal. It's the end of the world as we know it.

By The Anti-Blez on Thursday, June 29, 2006

Pinch-Winner

In his only plate appearance of the game, Antonio Perez draws a bases-loaded walk to drive in the winning run. Oakland outlasts San Diego in 14 innings.

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Fat Chance

With Blanton on the mound, anything can happen--and usually does, in the other team's favor. Padres pound the AAA's.

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Forever Young

San Diego ace treats the AAA's lineup like a cheesy 1980s New Wave song. And Alphaville deserves all the blame.

By The Anti-Blez on Sunday, June 25, 2006

Jay Pay-Back

Payton (4 for 4, 3 RBI) leads a 10-run barrage and the Tijuana Turd pitches a complete game as Oakland avenges previous evening's collapse. Bay Bridge Series ends in a draw.

By The Anti-Blez on Saturday, June 24, 2006

Chokeland

Pathetics

AAA'S piss away a late 5-run lead. And Ray Durham takes all the credit.

By The Anti-Blez on Friday, June 23, 2006

San Francisco Treat

A's bury Giants in the 9th. And Bonds doesn't even stick around long enough to see it.

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Rocky Mountain Sigh

Nick Swisher (2 for 4, 2 HR) and the A's force extra innings, avoid the sweep. And Pathetics Nation deserves all the credit.

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Pitching Under

the Influence?

A week after his arrest on DUI charges, the Tijuana Turd is shelled in a place he should have felt right at home--"Coors" Field. And the AAA's only muster a single hit--a first inning, leadoff single. That's what we call "Beaned Again!"

By The Anti-Blez on Monday, June 19, 2006

Losers!

Bobby Crosby (0 for 4, 5 LOB) and the rest of his triple-A teammates get shut out in Colorado's House of Horrors. And the T-shirt Salesman deserves all the blame.

By The Anti-Blez on Sunday, June 18, 2006

Who's Your

Fat Daddy?

Blanton's imposing performance leaves Dodgers with heavy hearts. A's make their papas proud.

By The Anti-Blez on Saturday, June 17, 2006

Long Player

It takes 17 innings, but Oakland gets the job done. A's win 9th straight.

By The Anti-Blez on Friday, June 16, 2006

Dodger Bruise

Chavez breaks home run drought, team combines for 13 hits against LA. Zito strikes out 11 as Oakland wins again.

By The Anti-Blez on Friday, June 16, 2006

Smile and

Say "Queso!"

A Pathetics Nation exclusive! The Anti-Blez's sources within the police department have given us this booking photo of the Tijuana Turd following his arrest and jailing on charges of drunken driving.

By The Anti-Blez on Thursday, June 15, 2006

DJ's

Greatest Hits

Johnson goes 4 for 4 with 4 RBI as Oakland completes sweep of Mariners. And the Tijuana Turd deserves NONE of the credit.

By The Anti-Blez on Thursday, June 15, 2006

Drunken Fool

Esteban Loaiza (aka "Billy Beane's $21 Million Mistake") spends his night in jail after being busted for DUI. Was Beano's right-hand man, Matt Keough, giving him driving lessons?

Seriously, folks. This guy is not only a liability on the mound, he also could have killed somebody driving that way. It's time for Beano to admit he was wrong (once again) and dump his Tijuana Turd, pronto!

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Hip-Hippie

Hooray!

Haren and his fellow hairballs flower-power their way past the Mariners. Next stop: Haight-Ashbury.

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, June 13, 2006

FAT-TASTIC
Blanton throws his weight around another sub-.500 team. And Nations Giant Hamburgers deserves all the credit.

By The Anti-Blez on Monday, June 12, 2006

BLANTON


BUSTED


FOR HGH*
Hefty hurler nabbed while injecting HGH (Hamburger Grease Hormone). The verdict: Obese until proven otherwise.

By The Anti-Blez on Sunday, June 11, 2006

AURA, MYSTIQUE,


OAKLAND
A's complete the sweep. Giamboids can only sit back and watch.

DJ homers twice; Swisher adds a solo shot.

By The Anti-Blez on Saturday, June 10, 2006

BRONX CHEER
Oakland kicks Moose in the ass. Giamboid's two-run blast amounts to nothing.

Thomas goes long again; Rouse follows up stellar debut with a two-run single.

By The Anti-Blez on Friday, June 09, 2006

THE BIG EUNUCH
A's go deep early, often against a washed-up Randy Johnson. And Pathetics Nation takes all the credit.

Mike Rouse collects 3 hits, scores 2 runs in his major-league debut. And he stole a base, too. Which means he's dogshit in Beano's book, and will be demoted back to the minors immediately.

By The Anti-Blez on Thursday, June 08, 2006

TURD-RIFIC!
Loaiza, on the verge of being demoted from major-league pitcher to donkey-show manager, buys himself a bit more time. One win, $21 million. ¡Aye, Caramba!

Harden back on the DL. Macha calls the development "frustrating." Duh.

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, June 07, 2006

EARNED


TON AVERAGE
To calculate Blanton's Earned Ton Average (ETA), multiply the total earned runs charged against his pitching by 9, and divide the result by the total number of double cheesebugers and bags of potato chips he had for breakfast this morning. The result: another super-sized disaster.

More bad news: The Tijuana Turd (aka Billy Beano's $7 Million Mistake), starts tomorrow.

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, June 06, 2006

ZITO'S


LAST STAND
Indians get to Barry, but Macha leaves him in there anyway. A's stage late comeback.

Kotsay leads game off with home run. Thomas contributes 3-run shot. Chavez's 2-run bomb ties it. And DJ's RBI single seals the deal.

By The Anti-Blez on Monday, June 05, 2006

PORN ON


THE FARM
Macha spends off-day in Sacramento, checking out AAA's pitching prospect/gay video star Kazuhito Tadano.

By The Anti-Blez on Sunday, June 04, 2006

TWINKIES


FOR BRUNCH
Oakland enjoys back-to-back victories for first time in nearly two weeks. Harden goes 4 solid innings in first start since coming off DL.

By The Anti-Blez on Saturday, June 03, 2006

TAKE TWO
Chavez drives in both runs in win over a team even worse than the AAA's. The rest of the lineup takes the day off.

By The Anti-Blez on Friday, June 02, 2006

BLACK MAGIC


HURLER
Santana plays the AAA's for the triple-A chumps that they are. Another day, another loss.

By The Anti-Blez on Thursday, June 01, 2006

TRADE BAIT
Zito pitches another outstanding game, making it even easier for Beano to trade him by the All-Star break and, as usual, get practically nothing in return. Oakland wins; who cares?