By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, May 31, 2006

HELL


FREEZES OVER
Kendall hits a home run. Blanton pitches a complete-game shutout. The AAA's win. What's next? Peace in Iraq? Pathetics Nation takes all the credit.

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, May 30, 2006

WHAT,


ME WORRY?
He can't manage. He looks retarded. And no matter how much Juicy Fruit he chews, his breath still stinks like shit. But as long as he continues to suck Beano's moneyballs, Macha's job is safe. Chokeland loses again.

By The Anti-Blez on Monday, May 29, 2006

A ROYAL


RETARD
Haren becomes the latest greasy hairball to embarrass the Oakland uniform. Kansas Shitty downs Chokeland.

By The Anti-Blez on Sunday, May 28, 2006

LIGHT IN


HIS LOAFERS
L'il Bobby prances around like a ballerina while the real men score runs. So much for the winning streak.

By The Anti-Blez on Saturday, May 27, 2006

IT'S OK TO


BREATHE NOW
Zito handles the Rangers, A's score some runs. Oakland snaps 7-game slide.

Swisher's clutch two-out, two-RBI triple puts the game away. Street rebounds for the save.

By The Anti-Blez on Friday, May 26, 2006

JUST THE FATS,


MA'AM
Blanton fails to make it past the 5th. AAA's drop seventh in a row.

Oakland now closer to LAST place than to first.

By The Anti-Blez on Thursday, May 25, 2006

TRIPLE


AAA's
Oakland batters figure out a way to score a bunch of runs, Oakland pitchers figure out a way to give them back up. Just the latest in a series of embarrassments.

Halsey squanders big lead. Calero blows the save. Street takes the loss. Rinse and repeat.

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, May 24, 2006

WORLD CHUMPS
AAA's are swept by the White Sox for first time in nine years. This bumbling squad couldn't win even a Little League championship.

Haren pitches 6 effective innings but still gets pinned with the loss. Oakland scoring drought continues.

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, May 23, 2006

BEANED AGAIN
Thomas and the rest of the AAA's continue to lay over, play dead. Losing streak now at 4.

Saarloos completely ineffective against powerful Sox lineup. Chavez goes deep when it doesn't matter. Crosby keeps piling on the Ks.

By The Anti-Blez on Monday, May 22, 2006

HURTS

SO BAD
Thomas marks his return to Chicago with a couple of big bangs, but bullpen blows it. Macha's brain remains MIA.

Crosby also goes deep. Zito dominates, but gets nothing for it. Kendall proves to be just as inept at stealing bases as he is at hitting home runs.

By The Anti-Blez on Sunday, May 21, 2006

ONE-HIT

WONDERS
AAA's keep Barroids in the ballpark, but can only muster a single safety themselves. Macha sits back and does nothing.

WTF?! Lineup goes 1 for 28, and the "manager" doesn't use even one pinch hitter? FIRE MACHA NOW!

By The Anti-Blez on Saturday, May 20, 2006

A GIANT

FUCKING

DISGRACE
Barry BALCO tosses his bat into to the dugout after hitting yet another home run that holds has absolutely no significance in the baseball record books.

By The Anti-Blez on Friday, May 19, 2006

OWNED
Haren shows Barroids and the rest of the BALCO bitches who's the boss. Street finishes the job. A's stretch win streak to 5.

Giants limited to two hits in pitcher's duel. Kotsay collects half of Oakland's six safeties.

By The Anti-Blez on Thursday, May 18, 2006

HAT TRICK
Raul Ibanez and the Mariners are Oakland victims once again. A's complete three-game sweep.

Crosby, Thomas provide clutch hits. Saarloos holds the Mariners at bay for 6 2/3 strong innings. Street bails Karsay out of trouble, picks up sixth save.

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, May 17, 2006

THE POWER

OF Z
Zito holds Seattle scoreless over seven innings. A's are on cruise control.

JayPay remains red-hot. Kendall also (dare we say it?) starting to show some life.

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, May 16, 2006

SLAM DUNK
Melhuse goes deep with the bases jammed, proving once again that he belongs in the starting nine. Oakland climbs back to .500

Chavez kick-starts the rout with a first-inning RBI single. JayPay goes 4 for 5 and scores 3 runs. Blanton thrives, Hernandez dives in the battle of Fat Man vs. (not-so) Little Boy. Bombs away!

By The Anti-Blez on Sunday, May 14, 2006

WHO'S YOUR

MOMMY?
A's use the power of pink to blast past New York and the Big Eunich. Four-game skid is history.

Kotsay, Payton celebrate Mother's Day in long-ball style. Haren strikes out six, walks none in complete-game victory. Perez collects his first hit of season.

By The Anti-Blez on Saturday, May 13, 2006

OWNED

BY A-ROD
One swing and the game is over for Oakland. The remaining 8 innings are a waste of everyone's time. AAA's post fourth consecutive loss.

Chavez celebrates his return to the lineup by going 0-for-5 with 3 strikeouts. Give that man a golden sombrero!

By The Anti-Blez on Friday, May 12, 2006

SERMON

ON THE MOUND
Melhuse preaches to newcomer Randy Keisler why giving up home runs is a sin. AAA's fall from grace, slide below .500.

Except for one mistake to A-Rod, Zito pitches well enough to give Oakland a chance to win. But nobody steps up to the plate.

By The Anti-Blez on Thursday, May 11, 2006

TELL IT GOODBYE
Glaus goes deep twice, knocking the AAA's out of first place. Another craptacular pitching performance.

Chavez out of the lineup for third straight game. The Big Hurt is now really hurt. Where's Victor Conte when you need him?

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, May 10, 2006

TONS OF

TROUBLE
Blanton gives up his weight in runs before getting first three outs of the game. How many times have we seen this picture before? Seven-run comeback goes for naught.

Melhuse homers again as Kendall keeps the bench warm. Kotsay, Thomas also add long balls. Perez remains O for the season (but after just 21 at-bats, we're not ready to give up on him yet).

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, May 10, 2006

FIRST!
Adam shows bench-warmer Kendall how to go long. A's like to be on top. And Pathetics Nation deserves all the credit.

Crosby also goes deep, continues to come alive; Haren rebounds from last week's rout.

By The Anti-Blez on Monday, May 08, 2006

PORN ON

THE FARM
Macha spends off-day in Sacramento, checking out AAA's pitching prospect/gay video star Kazuhito Tadano.

By The Anti-Blez on Sunday, May 07, 2006

FISH FRY
AAA's limp bats limited to 2 runs. Devil Rays win a series in Oakland for first time.

Ellis bucks the trend, goes 4 for 4, including a home run. Only other noise is from Thomas's solo shot.

By The Anti-Blez on Saturday, May 06, 2006

PAY DAY
Zito throws bullets, Payton cashes in on blunders. A's win a wacky one.

Duchscherer blows save, buys Aubrey Huff dinner. The Senator picks up the win. And Pathetics Nation takes all the credit.

By The Anti-Blez on Friday, May 05, 2006

CACA MACHA
Not satisfied with a lineup that produced 12 runs a day earlier, AAA's manager moves Crosby (.218) to third hole, bumps Swisher (.330) to seventh. The results are pathetic.

Predictably, Crosby goes 0-for-4. Blanton gets knocked around for 2 runs in the 1st. Chavez, Thomas come up empty in last-gasp rally. Oh, did we mention that this was all against the Taaampaaa Baaay Devil Raaays, who had lost their previous 11 games?

By The Anti-Blez on Friday, May 05, 2006

THAT'S ALL?!
MLB suspends Kendall four games for his role in brawl. Pathetics Nation has formally appealed the decision, urges Commissioner's Office to suspend Kendall for 672 games--one for every at-bat he has gone without a home run since joining the AAA's.

By The Anti-Blez on Thursday, May 04, 2006

FEELS GOOD
Macha gives Saarloos a pat on the, um, breast after the hurler (who in turn tries to grab the manager's ass) limits the Indians to just 1 run over five innings. Bobby Kielty likes to watch. Oakland bounces back from previous night's drubbing.

Another huge game for Nick The Swisher; Ellis walks all over the competition; Kotsay, Chavez and Melhuse ratchet up the RBI totals. Does chewing Juicy Fruit mean a guy is gay?

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, May 03, 2006

SCAAALPED
Injuns score early, often. Another one of Bumbling Beano's mind-numbingly bad trades (Mulder for Haren) hurts the AAA's. Win streak halted at 5.

Game's only bright spot for Oakland is Crosby's bomb--two runs, too little, too late.

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, May 02, 2006

SWINGIN' A's
Unable to to hit home runs, Kendall takes his frustration out on John Lackey's face. Chavez and Crosby contribute to the beating. Oakland bats pound the Anals.

The Admiral does an admirable job taking over for Harden, going 5 1/3 innings and collecting his first win of the season. T-shirt sales plummet.

By The Anti-Blez on Monday, May 01, 2006

SHOOTIN' BLANKS
The on-again, off-again Barry Zito is on again, going 7 2/3 innings in a six-hit, 1-0 shutout. And Pathetics Nation takes all the credit.

Nick The Swisher remains red-hot: 2 for 4 at the plate and scoring the lone run. Crosby drives in the game-winning RBI.