By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Bad news for the AAA's. Bobby Crosby is on the DL with a fractured ankle, and the team has recalled Keith Gimper from the minors to take the ROY's place.

Brilliant move, Beano! Put Crosby on the DL because he has a fractured ankle, then replace him with a guy who has two broken legs, two broken arms, a .176 BA, a .242 OBP, and no brain.

I can hardly wait to see how the T-shirt salesman and his merry band of Asslickers defend this Beane-brained move.

Let's Go AAA"s!

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, August 30, 2005

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, August 30, 2005

The T-shirt salesman is an Angels fan.

It's sad, but true. The same man who claims to bleed green and gold, who will shout down (and ban from his blog) anyone who dares challenge his "insider" baseball knowledge or laugh at his "interviews," who has rubbed elbows (and probably other body parts) with Billy Beane and Barry Zito, and who runs our sister site, Athletics Nation, is actually one of the biggest Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim athletic supporters you'd ever have the misfortune to meet. (And meet him I did, at AN Day 2005).

And it's not even a secret. He PROUDLY promotes his ties to Anaheim fandom in this Wired News article, one which details his ownership of the Internet's most popular, number-one Angels blog in the whole wide world, Halos Heaven.

Of course, like any deft propagandist, the T-shirt salesman has set loose a pack of attack dogs to bite the asses (and hump the legs) of any person who dares question his "loyalty" to the Athletics. That's why, in the comments section of Pathetics Nation, you will find hired guns with goofy faux-ethnic names such as "Oobergoober," "Funnyman" and "Ericka Chavez" questioning our integrity and assassinating our character.

But the awful truth cannot be denied. If you climb into bed with the devilish Angels, you will get fucked.

Fucked by a T-shirt salesman and spanked by his rally monkey.

Which is why we call on the T-shirt salesman to come out of the closet. To expose his naked truth. To repent and ask Charles O. Finley for forgiveness. To admit to the world what the world already knows:

THE T-SHIRT SALESMAN IS AN ANGELS FAN!

Let's Go AAA's!

(Satire is a wonderful thing.)

By The Anti-Blez on Monday, August 29, 2005

Oakland is in first place.

Will the team build on that lead or--like the last time it found itself atop the division--piss down its legs?

Let's Go AAA's!

By The Anti-Blez on Sunday, August 28, 2005

Oakland is on the cusp of first place in the AL West.

And Pathetics Nation takes all the credit.

Let's Go AAA's!

By The Anti-Blez on Saturday, August 27, 2005

Oakland faces Baltimore in another must-win situation, a game-and-a-half behind the Anals and tied for the lead in the Wild Card.

Let's Go AAA's!

By The Anti-Blez on Friday, August 26, 2005

Oakland begins a four-game series against Raffy Roids, Sneezin' Sammy, Byrnesie the Clown and the rest of the Baltimore Boobs.

And for those of you who want the opponent's perspective, we invite you to visit Tyler Bleszinki's Baltimore Orioles Fan Blog here.

(That's right, Asslickers. Your idol, the guy who professes to "bleed green and gold" at the same time he's trying to sell you a T-shirt, actually owns an Orioles fan blog!)

Let's Go AAA's

By The Anti-Blez on Thursday, August 25, 2005

The AAA's try to become the A's again by winning the series and staying atop the Wild Card heap.

Let's Go AAA's!

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Oakland has got to get things turned around now, or the season will be over before September even begins.

Last night, the team was burned by the guy that Beano had promised would be Giambi's successor. The way Pena was hitting 'em out last night, you'd almost think Beano was right. Too bad Pena was hitting them out for the other team.

Meanwhile, the AAA's offense couldn't do anything against a pitcher who had a 5-10 record going into the game.

Totally unnacceptable.

Things have gotta change...

Let's Go AAA's.

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, August 23, 2005

First place in the Wild-Card race, that is. Tell it goodbye, indeed...

But that's not what I want to talk about right now.

What I want to talk about is THE MOST PATHETIC THING I'VE EVER READ ON ASSLICKERS NATION.

Tonight, after another humiliating defeat, the T-shirt salesman posted on his Asslickers website that he had spent an hour or so on the phone trying to get "sources" (read: Susan Slusser) to tell him what the AAA's next move will be.

HUH?

A T-shirt salesman spends an hour after a game trying to get "sources" to talk to him about the AAA's next moves? Does he really think he's THAT important?

When I read that shit, I started laughing so hard that my eyes welled with tears and my bladder began to fail.

I'll tell you this. I LOVE the AAA's. And during a game, the team has my undivided attention. But AFTER a game, I go about my life. I read my daughter a bedtime story. I throw rocks at the neighbor's noisy cat. I fuck my wife. I get drunk and piss myself. You know, the sorts of things a guy WHO HAS A LIFE does.

Sure, I'll also spend a few moments reading the game wrapup stories. But I certainly won't waste my time bothering folks (such as the talented and lovely Susan Slusser) who have REAL baseball jobs to take pity on my sorry ass and indulge me on the phone.

As someone who worked at a major newspaper for 15 years*, let me tell you this: REAL sports reporters laugh their asses off after getting phone calls from wannabe insiders. Sure, they may listen to them for a few minutes and act as though they are interested in what the wannabe has to say. But after that phone call ends, there's groaning and laughter across the sports desk. I've seen it happen hundreds of times.

The T-shirt salesman has turned himself into what those of us at the Trib used to call a "Myron Miller." Not "Marvin Miller." "Myron Miller." I'll let you figure it out.

How pathetic is that?

*That's right, Asslickers. 15 years in journalism (thankfully retired). Now you know why I'm such an angry bastard.

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Oakland tries to get it going again with a series against a team that lost 119 games two seasons ago.

For those of you who want the opponent's perspective, we invite you to visit Tyler Bleszinki's Detroit Tigers Fan Blog here.

(That's right, Asslickers. Your idol, the guy who professes to "bleed green and gold" at the same time he's trying to sell you a T-shirt, actually owns a Tigers fan blog!)

Let's Go A's!

By The Anti-Blez on Monday, August 22, 2005

It's dawned on me that Pathetics Nation is much like the scene of a horrific traffic accident:

Lots of people come to look, but nobody really says anything.

Which is just fine with us, as the keepers of Pathetics Nation now have an emergency rescue on their hands.

The AAA's has slipped back into a coma, and it's PN's job to bring the AAA's back to life (and respectibility).

Don't worry, Asslickers. You have the right to remain silent. Just remember:

You can count on us.

By The Anti-Blez on Sunday, August 21, 2005

The suddenly hapless AAAthletics will try to avoid losing a second straight game to a team that, until yesterday, hadn't won a single game in nearly a month.

It's beginning to look a lot like May.

Let's Go AAA's!

By The Anti-Blez on Saturday, August 20, 2005

By The Anti-Blez on Saturday, August 20, 2005

It's Zito against a single-A lineup.

It's a must-win situation for Oakland, with both the Angels and the Yankees already victorious today.

Let's Go AAA's!

By The Anti-Blez on Friday, August 19, 2005

Tonight, one of these teams is going to end its losing streak. And the other will remain pathetic losers.

For those of you who want the opponent's perspective, we invite you to visit Tyler Bleszinki's Kansas City Royals Fan Blog here.

(That's right, Asslickers. Your idol, the guy who professes to "bleed green and gold" at the same time he's trying to sell you a T-shirt, actually owns a Royals fan blog!)

Let's Go A's!

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, August 17, 2005

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Oakland, playing like it's May all over again, tries to avoid being swept by a team featuring the three stooges--Sammy, Raffy and Byrnesie.

Let's Go A's!

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Oakland tries to end a two-game losing streak and avoid its second straight series loss.

Let's Go AAA's!

By The Anti-Blez on Monday, August 15, 2005

Tonight's game will feature nine innings of baseball plus, as an added bonus, the antics of Byrnsie the Clown and his sidekick, Raffy Roids.

And for those of you who want the opponent's perspective, we invite you to visit Tyler Bleszinki's Baltimore Orioles Fan Blog here.

(That's right, Asslickers. Your idol, the guy who professes to "bleed green and gold" at the same time he's trying to sell you a T-shirt, actually owns an Orioles fan blog! He also owns blogs for all the other teams he claims to hate—including the Giants and the Angels!—but we'll save those hypocritical links for another time.)

Let's Go A's!

By The Anti-Blez on Sunday, August 14, 2005

Oakland wraps up its series against the Twinkies.

Let's Go A's!

By The Anti-Blez on Saturday, August 13, 2005

At long last, it's Saturday, August 13.

And we all know what that means...

See you real soon, T-shirt salesman!

Let's Go A's!

By The Anti-Blez on Friday, August 12, 2005

The first-place A's (thanks to Pathetics Nation) open another series against the Twinkies.

This time, though, it's on Oakland's turf, not in that God-forsaken dome.

Let's Go A's!

By The Anti-Blez on Thursday, August 11, 2005

Oakland wraps up its series with the Anals.

Only two more days till the barbecue!

Let's Go A's!

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, August 10, 2005

It was the A's, not the Anals, who got reamed last night.

It's up to Zito to make sure that doesn't happen again.

Let's Go A's!

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, August 09, 2005

The pennant race begins tonight.

Let's Go A's!

By The Anti-Blez on Sunday, August 07, 2005

Oakland has gone from worst to first.

Kansas Shitty is still working on the "worst" part of that formula.

And Pathetics Nation takes all the credit.

Let's Go A's!

By The Anti-Blez on Saturday, August 06, 2005

The Royals truly put the "shitty" in "Kansas Shitty."

But Oakland still has to watch out for Sweeney and Co., because shitty teams love to play the spoiler.

Let's Go A's!

By The Anti-Blez on Friday, August 05, 2005

Oakland begins a series against a team that appears to be a pushover. But make no mistake--overconfidence can lead to devastation. The Yankees learned that when they waltzed into Kansas City on May 31 and left three days later, finding themselves on the wrong end of a humiliating sweep.

Oakland needs to respect its opponent this weekend. Otherwise, they will find themselves facing the Royals rather than the RoyAAAls.

Let's Go A's!

By The Anti-Blez on Thursday, August 04, 2005

Barry Zito has been hot, hot, hot.

But is it for real?

Zito will have to put an end to the A's "losing streak" to prove once and for all that he has returned to his Cy Young form.

Let's Go A's!

By The Anti-Blez on Wednesday, August 03, 2005

On May 29, the Oakland AAA's were 15 games under .500.

With a win today, the Oakland A's will move to 15 games over .500.

That's a 30-game turnaround in a little more than two months.

Pathetics Nation takes all the credit.

Let's Go A's!

EDIT: The 15-game-over-.500/30-game-turnaround thing didn't happen tonight. BEANED AGAIN!

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Pathetics Nation was founded by fans who LOVE the A's. In fact, we love the A's as much as we love our own mothers. And just as we would never, ever pimp our own mothers for petty cash, we'd also never, ever fleece our fellow A's fans by selling them a stupid T-shirt they don't really need.

But you really do need this T-shirt! Because when you buy one, you are supporting a very worthy cause.

Here's the deal. You buy the shirt, and we'll donate 100 percent of the profits to Children's Hospital Oakland. We don't need the money, but the kids in that hospital sure do. And hopefully the good karma we generate will translate into a bit of postseason success for the A's, too.

Not a bad idea, huh? But wait, there's more!

We also invite our sister site, Athletics Nation, to do the same: Tyler Bleszinksi, we call on you to donate 100 percent of the profits from the sales of your "In Billy We Trust" T-shirts and other AN merchandise to Children's Hospital Oakland. Actions speak louder than words, Blez. If you are half the A's fan you claim to be, rise up and meet the challenge! Prove to A's fans throughout the world that you are NOT a T-shirt salesman disguised in green-and-gold, but a genuine A's fan with a big heart. (Contact us at blez@patheticsnation.com if you accept.)

Oh, and a bit about the shirt itself. We chose the phrase "Ratto Was Wrong" in remembrance of the woeful prediction made by San Francisco Chronicle sports columnist Ray Ratto that the A's would fail to win 60 games this season. We love Ratto, but we're sure glad he was wrong!

You can order your "Ratto Was Wrong" shirt here by clicking here.

(Note: Each shirt sold for $9.99 will generate $1 that we will turn over to Children's Hospital Oakland in a lump sum once per month, and the remaining $8.99 will be kept by Cafepress, the company that makes the shirts, to cover production costs.)

By The Anti-Blez on Tuesday, August 02, 2005

More dumb ball in the damn dome. Big chance for the A's to build on their Wild Card lead, though, and perhaps even move into a tie for first with the Los Angeles Anals of Assaheim (if the Anals lose their game).

Let's Go A's!

By The Anti-Blez on Monday, August 01, 2005

Oakland begins a huge four-game road series against the Twinkies in their House of Horrors.

Dome ball is dumb ball.

Let's Go A's!